Saturday, January 5, 2008

SWF (an ode to Barbarella)


Since the gimp (Barb) is out of commission I have decide that I will try to steal her identity, "single white female" style. Bit by bit I will become Barbara Greer Howe. I started the master plan yesterday. I called up Barb's friends Gary and Betty Noe and we spent the day in Brugge, just like old friends. Soon, they will like me better than her. Then, I will start wearing my hair like hers and dress like her, in red cords. I will sign the glossy trading cards she left behind at races. I will talk like her, using words like "bunch" , "huh?" and "oh la la" excessively. I will become vegetarian (but i will still eat bacon. I can never give up bacon. and lamb. and lobster. hmmmm maybe I will just give the appearance of being vegetarian). I will sew skull hats for everyone.  I will make lots of soups. With lentils. I will know big name cyclists like Erwin Vervecken and I will chat with them at races but not introduce them to my friends until they punch me in the back and demand to be introduced. I will shudder when recalling the plague. I will talk about how cool my cat is and brag about how many people stop to visit her because she is so cool. I will use UV rays to fight germs.  I will have to learn to nap. I will talk about what a great friend Mel is, she would clean my toe jam and wash my hair. I will ride a commuter bike with a burrito holder. I will wear lots of Sheila Moon. I will have to fool Spindle Meat but I think he can be duped. 

5 comments:

Nathan said...

Too much chuckling, abs hurt.

Wendy Simms said...

I could probably use UV rays to fight crime too....

Josh and Barb said...

You won't be able to fool me for long. You'll slip up and call a hat a "tuke" and I'll know it's you.

-spindle

Wendy Simms said...

eh?

dammit!

Velo Bella said...

bahahaa!

Oh, and you'll get to go to fabulous weddings where people dress crazy and hula hoop.

Oh, and don't forget hanging out with your pal Robin Williams too.

But you'll have to visit Pittsburg occasionally and thats almost as bad as not being able to eat bacon.