SWF (an ode to Barbarella)

Since the gimp (Barb) is out of commission I have decide that I will try to steal her identity, "single white female" style. Bit by bit I will become Barbara Greer Howe. I started the master plan yesterday. I called up Barb's friends Gary and Betty Noe and we spent the day in Brugge, just like old friends. Soon, they will like me better than her. Then, I will start wearing my hair like hers and dress like her, in red cords. I will sign the glossy trading cards she left behind at races. I will talk like her, using words like "bunch" , "huh?" and "oh la la" excessively. I will become vegetarian (but i will still eat bacon. I can never give up bacon. and lamb. and lobster. hmmmm maybe I will just give the appearance of being vegetarian). I will sew skull hats for everyone.  I will make lots of soups. With lentils. I will know big name cyclists like Erwin Vervecken and I will chat with them at races but not introduce them to my friends until they punch me in the back and demand to be introduced. I will shudder when recalling the plague. I will talk about how cool my cat is and brag about how many people stop to visit her because she is so cool. I will use UV rays to fight germs.  I will have to learn to nap. I will talk about what a great friend Mel is, she would clean my toe jam and wash my hair. I will ride a commuter bike with a burrito holder. I will wear lots of Sheila Moon. I will have to fool Spindle Meat but I think he can be duped.