Monday, January 21, 2008

Masters World Champs

Saturday Norm came 12th at the Masters World Championships in Mol. He had a wicked start into the beach and was top ten for the first half of the race. Then he pulled out his patented “suffer face.” Nobody I know can suffer like Norm. He wasn’t super happy with his race because he fell out of the top ten (and he had told himself he was allowed to buy this sweet Italia jacket if he came top ten). But I was impressed. And I was happy the guy that won wasn’t smoking in the start box like the winner 3 years ago. That is just a smack in the face, even if he is Belgian.

I was Norm’s pit crew in Mol, my bike ready in case his met catastrophic failure during the race. The Kona Queen Ann got a few smug grins from the other manly pit crews. But that didn’t last long when my rider came through top ten on the first lap. All I got was respect after that! Joe-smug-smirk from Great Britain had to get out of MY way now. I had no clue there was such a hierarchy in the pits. Matson, I wish I could be in the lead more so you could feel like KING in the pits. I bet you would totally strut the catwalk and occasionally spin on your heels for effect. Maybe even the moon walk?! Or are you a worm guy?

Hoogerheide World Cup

Next up, my last world cup before World Champs in Italy. The Hoogerheide course in the Netherlands is a pretty familiar one for me as I have raced it a few times. Once, it was dry and crazy fast. This year, it was not. It had been a mix of rain/drizzle/downpour for a few days so the course was a mess. Perfect. I got to pre-ride with Bart Wellens and Sven Nys. They didn’t actually acknowledge me, but I rode behind them to pick up some tips. I figure that is the first step to us becoming fast friends. All of the field sections were deep soggy mud, the downhills were treacherous, the head wind was fierce, and the long cobbled uphill road section was almost a relief. It was going to be a tough course with lots of running. Good thing I have “gazelle” legs compared to most of the girls.

The French team was making fun of my long socks in the start box. Stupid France. I decided to give them even more to laugh at. Since there was going to be so much running I decided to pull out some old skool Geo stretches on the line. Nothing says professional athlete like a few side stretches and lunges. Laugh it up Frenchies.

After my 5th place at the last world cup I had a second row call up. Not quite as rockstar as the front row, but pretty sought after none the less. More like rockstar’s assistant. Unfortunately it didn’t do me much good as I got boxed in off the line and had a pretty crappy start. I hit the dirt somewhere around 15th. Up the road I could see Helen Wyman, Hanka Kupfernagel, Mjiriam Melchers and Daphne van den Brand off the front already. Dammit. Back to reality in the teens it was crowded and super aggressive. Girls clumped together like a big bolus. So I just jumped off my bike and started running to get around them. My long socks took big long strides in the mud and passed many a midget girl. I am pretty sure there were some French stripes in there. Who’s laughing now? 

I used up a lot of matches in that first lap to move into 7th and fought hard to stay in the vicinity for the rest of the race. At one point Norm said I was 10seconds off third! I would ride a mud section really well and pass a few girls but then I would bobble and lose a spot or two. Back and forth. Back and forth. Most of the race I was locked in a ferocious battle with the Czech National Champion. But my kung fu is very good. I ended up with a group of 5-6 in the last lap and attacked through the pits to try to shake them. Miss Czech popped off the back (finally, I was getting sick of her boyfriend running around the course yelling at her). But she was the only one that cracked under my power, so I eventually had to abandon that plan and rest up for the finish sprint. I conveniently found the Belgium National Champ’s wheel for the last cobbled section up to the finish and then we hit the finish chute for the "sprint". It seemed like more of a drag race than a sprint but I ended up second in the group, apparently some wee little powerhouse had more juice left than I did. So I ended up 5th overall. I was pretty close to puking.

Photos of the women’s race can be found on


StevenCX said...

Great report! If you're not puking at the end you didn't try hard enough! Way to represent!

Josh and Barb said...

What do I need to do to become your groupie? Iron your tall socks? Keep the rain off of your pastries?


Anonymous said...

Definitely the worm... although it's known as the Centipede in my family.
Nice work, now quit F'n around and get on the World's podium.

Nasty said...

those socks make you ass look fat... but not as fat as the french bitches!
nice job, for a girl!

Dave Noisy said...

Geo stretches, hilarious!!

Keep at it, you rawk Wendy!!

Wendy Simms said...

ahhh to my fan club

Steve: maybe I puked in my mouth (just a little bit)

Barb: to be my groupie you must locate the golden pastry boat filled with custard and transport to Treviso finish line

MM: I miss you already!

Wicknasty: you suck. I don't miss you at all.

Dave: I know you are just kissing my butt because you want my orange Maxxis tires

erikv said...

Nice job, another good race.

Here's what I wrote about you this morning:

If Compton can't race, my pick for the womens winner is Wendy Simms. With luck, her recent display of germophobia will leave her the only woman able to breathe through both nostrils. Her European racing campaign is going really well, so why not? When in doubt, always root for the tall ones.

rumon said...

holy shite, that's the funniest post you've written, methinks. love the laughing at the computer, belly jiggling, glass of scotch splashing on the keyboard...oh yeah, we're a hot bunch, your fan club. keep reppin'.

Nathan said...

Nice job Wendy!!! Tell Norm congrats on 12th at MCWC. I'll be gunning for him next year in Mol or at least trying to stay within 20 places of him.

Kick ass next weekend, looking forward to seeing you on the podium at worlds!!

Anonymous said...

Congrats Wendy!! Stellar performances. And your last couple of posts were bleepin' hilarious! Hicham and I are looking forward to the Worlds report. Good luck next weekend. We'll be cheering from the Island so get up there on the podium and bring it home!

And to the Frenchies, "Je t'en merde!" Hahaaha.

Yaaaaaaahhhh..wooooo...cowbell and more cowbell.
Say congrats to Norm, as well. Way to go Thibault.
Jaymie and Hicham

BossRoss said...

Dear Wendy

You are now the idol of all in Nanaimo. Your socks rock. All you have to do now is to hire some decent people in the labs over there because there isn't a European born that could pass a legitimate urine test.
Group six is having such a nice time with Norm away, they are asking if you could do them a small favor. Would it be possible if you could just sometime, hide Norm's passport or plant someting in his luggage. Nothing serious, just enough to detain him for five months.
It's your time to win.


drbike said...

I met you in Ojai last year, and your Kung Fu is indeed strong. You would look good in stripes.

Kristenn said...

Awesome post Wendy - you crack us up! You can blog and GOD you can ride!!! Wicked. Huge congrats to Norm for a great result at MCWC. Can't wait to hear the stories from Worlds! Show 'em what a Canuck can do and make them wonder how the f you got so fast, I know you've got some extra crazy go juice in your back pocket for that race! Cheering, we'll have a little, scratch that, BIG HUGE, group GO WENDY!! cheer from wherever we are doing whatever crazy workout JMark has scheduled for this weekend. :)
So inspired!!, kmag.

CTodd said...


We spoke briefly after the race. Congrats on the top 5! Good luck this weekend!


Dave Noisy said...

Yes, i still lust for your orange Maxxis tires, i am so transparent!! =P

Just read about *the* race - holy crap, nicely done!!! Leading a lap, woohoo!!!!!!!! You totally kick ass Wendy, nicely done. =)