HOW's THE DIARRHEA?

ugh. Im not doing so good here. There is a party going on in my stomach and after a week and a half its turned into a bit of a rager. Fireworks. Beach Volleyball. Food fights. Water slides. Think - girls gone wild - but in this case its "Bacteria gone wild." I think it started out pretty tame. Some foreigners moved in next door. Maybe Czech, maybe Belgian but definitely not Canadian. My good guys were just being polite and invited them over for dinner but the foreigners started to get a bit rowdy.  Hanging from the chandelier, doing cannonballs in the pool and sneaking in their buddies. Eventually they took off their fake mustaches and exposed themselves for who they really were: the Bad guys.  My good guys tried to kick them out. They were holding strong for almost a week, patrolling the perimeters, identifying the bad guys and battling them liek Spartans. But.....then I made the mistake of having a glass of wine with dinner one night. The good guys weren't used to alcohol and got a bit drunk and fell asleep at their stations so the bad guys had a mass orgy and snuck in some buddies and thats when the party got a bit crazy. As the world cup race approached I brought in the reserves to help me get through the race. I called in Immodium to block the back door.  It was either that or poop my pants during the race. Not cool. I thought it might put a damper on the party but it just pissed them off and they went OFF in there and now I am paying the consequences. The place is getting trashed and the good guys are in rough shape. But I have called off Immodium and the new strategy is to block the front door. No more deliveries to this party. I am going to starve them out. See how fun a party with no food is, boys. My apologies to the good guys left in there but I need to start from scratch.

Oh yeah the race. I guess you want to hear about the Pijnacker world cup. I had a phenomenal start. One of my best. Second into the mud. Perfect position as there was going to be chaos behind me in the thick mud. Unfortunately I did not have the energy to back up my start. I just did not have the power to push through the mud. So I got passed. I could not even capitalize on crashes around me. I had to change my strategy after the first lap and put in my small ring hoping to maybe spin through the mud but it was only marginally better. Even 3 bike changes did not help me, I was losing time there too. Everytime I rode a section and passed a few girls, they would pass me back on the power sections. I was getting schooled. Rolled into 14th exhausted, not sure whether I was going to puke or soil my skinsuit. At least I wasn't called for doping control, that might have been a bit awkward.......